back before the government was taken over by shadow people we used to sell fake dead pigs and we made a nice living doing it but then the USDA came by and told us that we can’t sell dead pigs that look too real because then they have to inspect the pigs but we said THAT IS NOT OUR PROBLEM LAWMAN but apparently one of our employees Austin put a real pig lung in clear resin as a test and even though we fired his sorry ass (he also ate Shirley’s lunch at least three times that we counted AND had him on camera doing it) the USDA still insisted on checking out all our dead fake pig products, creating a financial strain on our already struggling (there are no tariffs on dead fake pigs so other countries make them for pennies on the dollar thanks a lot GLOBALIZATION) family business.

SO NOW WHEN YOU CAN’T GET A FAKE DEAD PIG YOU SHOULD LET THE USDA KNOW THEY MESSED UP RUNNING THE ONLY AMERICAN MADE FAKE DEAD PIG BUSINESS INTO THE GROUND.